Meanwhile...

My superpower of the day is the awesome ability of social idiocy. I was working at the restaurant yesterday, bringing drinks to a table, when I heard someone say, "Hey Adam," from behind. I turned and saw a girl with whom I went through grade school. My 6th-grade crush, Kristy. We talked for a short while, about what we're doing now and some about what we plan to do, and then I smiled and said goodbye. It wasn't until later that I realized it had been nice talking to her. Her kind reticence reminds me of my own, if I still know her--a front beneath which lies self confidence and something hard and not to be tampered with. And she's still beautiful.

I thought about it later, replayed our conversation, and saw how natural it had been. Was it just me? Had she smiled? Hadn't she lingered for a short while after I said goodbye? Hadn't I? Was that just me, too? I could have said something simple that would have allowed for the possibility to see her again, but it didn't even cross my mind to do so. Even if it had, I probably would have messed it up, somehow. I tend to do that--it is my superpower. Circumstances in my life pretty much guarantee that I'll never see her again. Sad, kind of. I got to thinking about how many people pass through our lives whom we'll never see again. I went to Walgreens to get some Easter cards and went by some people in an aisle and thought, "I'll never see them again, either," even though I didn't know them. They'll live their entire lives, separate from mine yet just as much alive, and I won't know it. To me, most people in the world don't even exist. My superpower tomorrow will be the fantastic skill of having an existential meltdown. All these people alive and just as conscious as me, with the same power of wants and desires, and I don't even know it, and they don't know it, either, and that means to them I don't exist. Do I exist? It makes everything seem so damn pointless.

A final note. I just read the best article I've ever read in this month's Discover magazine. It's about a biocentric universe, meaning that humans are the center, or cause, of the universe. According to the article, the universe didn't create us, we created the universe. Our perceptions shape the very universe. See especially: Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle. Brilliant. I've been saying it for years now. The problem with science is scientists. The problem with experiments is that humans create and perform and measure them, and so the answers will always relate to our perceptions. It is thus that we can never accurately measure, let alone understand (conceit of conceits), anything truly objective. Complete heresy, of course. If we create the universe, that makes us gods. A stroke of genius, none the less, but still a few steps away from the scientific postulation that God does indeed exist. Give it time. He'll be back. I'm waiting.